Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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