You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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