I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
