Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Randomize