I CAN MOONWALK!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
