I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
