You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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