when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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