We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
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Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
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Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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