arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You made out with two different species that night
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
