So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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