Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It was confusing and full of hummus
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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