okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
