Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize