remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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