so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
