i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Randomize
