someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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