Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I looked at my own cervix.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
