I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
