i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
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I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
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Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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