So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
