need another drink. this is the easiest way
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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