..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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