just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
