Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
