smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i've created a new STD.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
