i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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