Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
