found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
