Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Randomize
