Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
