I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
