you would pick up someone in the library
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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