I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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