the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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