Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I love having hate sex.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I love you. Go after that dick
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
