She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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