if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
