I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
