I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
