when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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