Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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