Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
