Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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