i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
