is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
