You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
