standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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