omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
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Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
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Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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