I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
