how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
