Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
