We got so high we made milksteak
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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