Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
