I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
