3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
