when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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