Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
