you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
