Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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