It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
