I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
A bitchslap is in order.
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