I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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