So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
