Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
