Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
that may or may not have been my penis.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
